A Slavegirl Is Centered

During our recent move, everything was turned on its proverbial head. Our routines have been twisted and disrupted, which many of you know can cause me to backslide. I feared the backslide, but I didn't voice the thoughts because I knew the move would be good in the long run. 

For the last fewonths, I have felt the need to defend and justify our dynamic and the way I am treated within the dynamic. I, sadly, allowed the way others saw our dynamic to effect my service and my happiness. 

I endured passive aggressive comments from uninformed individuals who threw around the "a" word towards others to deflect and hide their own abusive treatment of their own spouse. The hypocrisy of someone wanting to be a bedroom slave, and expressing that desire multiple times, but getting angry when the control is exerted or when the Dominant partner decides they know what is best for the bottom. The anger when the bottom partner feels slighted. The attitude was becoming poison to my own dynamic. 

I began doing things it took Master years to retrain my attitude towards, things I never did. I began to act differently, to act like I was better than Master. Like I was too good for the collar. Then, something within me snapped. It was like a light switch was flipped. All in one, it started to go back to what it should have been. Mentally, I found my center, I rediscovered my slavehood. I realized I was suppressing that mental part of me. I took my books off the cloud and put them back on my Kindle, ignoring the dirty looks when I changed the password and stopped allowing my nephew to look over my shoulder at the screen. I pulled out my paper journal and began writing again. I began to SHOW Master the same respect I should have been showing all along. 

Something as simple as chaining my ankle again snapped me back. I attribute chaining again to helping me find my center. That physical connection to Master's bed, literally holding me in place, has helped me find my center and rediscover the place I feel most at home. One step behind Master, to His right, but still beside Him. Under His protection and command. In His heart and on His mind. This is the only place I ever want to be, the safest place in the entire world, where I can be myself and bask in my own pitiful slavehood, and although a slave has nothing of her own, she is the richest person in existence because she is in service to her one true Master. 

How being a slave helped me-- The Thoughts of an Autistic Slavegirl

I did not discover the truth, that I was classified as high functioning autistic as a child, until I was in my early 30's. But, upon hearing the diagnosis and doing my own research, things just seemed to make sense, the way I acted, my mental state at times, and even how I flourished under Master's collar, where I was struggling before. Things I did not understand suddenly just clicked.
Several main things about autism were present in my day to day life, and I had been coping with them without realizing the reason they were there, or even that they were "abnormal," Because, for me, they were normal. They were just who I am, my little quirks, if you will.
There are things I am OCD about, in a way. The small things, attention to detail type of things. Things that are evident on this site, like my punctuation and capitalization issues. There was a time I would get physically upset if someone referred to my Master without the proper capital letters, especially if it was in a PM to either of us. I would argue with the person about their disrespect, without realizing that, in their own dynamic, it was not disrespectful. This is something I still struggle with. I have to remind myself that I can't control the way others do things. Master has helped with this by reminding me I can not top the whole world and require those who have never met Him to give instant respect.
I realized my little shut-downs were usually caused by some sort of stress, but these are autistic things as well. I can't always prevent them, but with Master's guidance, I have been able to recognize when one was coming on and I have been able to take a moment or two to calm myself and prevent a full blown shut down.
There are times I get flustered because my routine has been disrupted. This is a big thing for me. A major disruption can cause a massive shut down or retreat into myself. But, the routines that Master has helped me set up, His rules and requirements, have assisted me in managing the disruptions that would cause days-long shut downs.
Surrendering full control of myself to Master has eliminated the need to feel like I am constantly in control, and I have been free to discover myself, to enjoy my life in service and to flourish. I know I can turn to Master for anything.
He has encouraged me to be more social in my real life, even though it is difficult for me with all my social awkwardness. When I am overwhelmed, He has encouraged me to turn to the online community, where I felt more comfortable, where the rules of social engagement are less regimented than in the general public.
Part of my particular autism makes me a poor judge of character, and with Master's help, I have improved my choice in friends, and kept the good friends closer than I ever was able to.
I have become more aware of my actions and their effect when I "just follow the crowd" for fear of causing a scene. I actually think more about my actions and words and how they make me look to others before engaging in the activities. Having the rule where I need permission to do specific things has prevented me from doing things without realizing the consequences.
I know how I may look to those who do not understand the dynamic, and how our way of life may look, even to those who do understand the dynamics. It works for us, though, even if it may not work for anyone else.
I know how I must look when I have my hand in my purse when in a crowded place, but it is how I center myself, holding or touching a "purse plushie," knowing that it was from Master and it is His way of reminding me He is with me, and that thought centers me and grounds me.
Not everyone with autism can or should be a slave. But, it works for me, it helps me cope with my issues and difficulties in a non-destructive way. This is just one slave's view on how the dynamic has helped me.

FInally... The Rules

I have been debating myself on how to format this entry, how it would make the most sense. I have also taken a few days to think about it to be sure I have almost all, if not all, of my rules. I didn't really realize there were so many until they were all written down!
I have also been debating how to write this so others would not be intimidated by the sheer number of rules. Before I continue I must state the usual disclaimer about my rules.
**These may seem like a lot and like some of them cover basic things, but I am a full slave, I have surrendered control of everything to Master, the choices I have are only by His permission. My very life is for His pleasure and His approval. Many of the rules I do live by, I have actually imposed or proposed, and He has approved them. Many of the rules, the only penalty for breaking them is simply knowing I let Master down, that I disappointed Him, that I failed to give Him my very best, which is what He deserves, and because He deserves it and has earned it, it is what He demands. There are only two rules with automatic punishment attached to them, and those will be noted when the rule is written here. To me, knowing that I have let Him down by failing to comply with a rule is more of a harsh punishment than anything physical that can be devised. Some of these rules posted here are actually proposals for new rules, some are changes, but most are current rules.**
The rules will be broken down into categories for ease and organization. This in no way reflects order of importance, since all the rules are equally important, it merely breaks them down to make them easier to understand.
In the rule lists, rules with a - before them are current rules, rules with *-* before them are proposed new rules, and rules with *~* before them are proposed changes.

~~Dress, Personal Appearance, Grooming, Etc~~
-Dress modestly with nothing too short, no deep plunging necklines showing off too much cleavage. My body belongs completely to Master and should not be used to tempt others by showing too much skin. Very short skirts, shorty shorts, deep plunging necklines, belly shirts, and too tight tops can also be seen as cheap and "whorish" which is not the image of Master's wife I want to portray. I am His whore, not everyone else's.
-Panties are optional. While dressed modestly, adding a touch of naughty that only I know about serves to remind me of my true place.
-Hair will be kept long and, if colored, no more than 2 shades lighter or darker than natural color.
-When out of the house, I will cover or otherwise hide my hair in some way, even if only a tight bun, saving my hair for only Master's enjoyment.
-Body hair will be shaved or waxed at all times.
-any and all hair on face, including eyebrows, will be kept in an aesthetically pleasing manner.
-Jewelry will be tasteful. Steel collar and three rings will be worn at all times, anything else added will be tasteful but not overbearing. No new piercings will be added without prior permission.
-No tattoos without prior permission
-If makeup is worn, it will be light, tasteful, and not gaudy.
-Contact lenses will only be tinted for ease of finding them, not to change eye color.
*-*I will find the time three times a week to work out for an hour, however it needs to be, wherever it needs to be, I will work out for three hours a week

~~Health, Diet, Well being, Safety~~
(Most rules in this category deal with caring for Master's property, making sure I am well and safe)
-All medications prescribed by the doctor will be taken on time and as directed
-Illegal drugs will not be tolerated under any circumstance. This is one of the two rules with an absolute, no questions asked, "punishment," this infraction will result in divorce papers being served.
*-*While doing the shopping and cooking, I will take health and weight management into consideration, and will only eat healthy snacks and/or fruit and veggie chunks.
- I will not drink to excess even when given permission to drink
*~* I will drink no more than a glass of wine a week, usually on Sunday night, and NEVER when little man is awake.
*-* When driving, I will use a hands free device to talk so both hands can remain on the wheel. I will not text while driving, if Master texts while I am driving, I will return it as soon as it is safe to do so (red light, stop sign, etc) to tell Him I am driving and will respond properly when I arrive at my destination.
- I will go to bed by 10PM and lights out by 11PM unless permission for time changes are given or I am with Master

~~Titles, Public Displays of Submission, Routines, Rituals, NonSexual Misc~~
- In private, I will use Master exclusively
- In public, I will use a respectful phrase or term to refer to Master, always remembering the respect He has earned the role He has and His position of power.
- I will be completely honest with Master about all things, no matter the perceived or imagined consequence of the truth.
- I will ALWAYS be faithful to Master and our marriage vows. This is the second rule that carries an absolute and defined punishment, the same as the other defined punishment.
- The first time Master sits down when He returns home, I will kneel at His feet and remove His shoes and socks
- When in public, I will respectfully defer to Master's decisions without making a scene, silently asking His opinion, at home, His opinion will be asked and obeyed.
- When spending more than $20, I will seek out Master's permission, and tell Him of the final amount spent.

~~Sexual~~
- I will always be naked before Master
- With one word, I will drop to my knees in a position of display, for Master to see whenever He pleases.
- Anything sexual will be done on Master's time, at His command, according to His desire and I will not push myself on Him, but rather let Him decide when and what will be done.
*~*Any desires I have, I will voice them and allow Master to decide if they should be indulged.
-When performing oral sex on Master, I will present my tongue for His pleasure before starting.
-I will never orgasm without Master's permission
-I will have 3 "free nights" where I am allowed solo play or self pleasure. I am allowed to orgasm once during these nights. If I desire any additional nights, I shall ask Master's permission.
-If I desire any kind of physical pain or "punishment" I shall ask Master for it, but accept His decision as final if He says no, knowing He always has my best mental and physical interest in mind.