Eh.....

Personal signs of depression: 

Sleeping a lot. Check

Segregating myself from everyone. Check

Not eating. Check

Drinking more. Check

Not sleeping right. Check

Not using a title. Check

And most importantly.... Stepping out of the dynamic. Big red fucking check. 

I think I know what the cause is. But I'm keeping my mouth shut lest I be accused of throwing a pity party. I hope things change soon. We need to get out of where we are for my sanity. 

I had a panic attack at work today. I'm keeping to myself and not talking at all. That's not me. 

Just rambling instead of eating my lunch. I'm not hungry. And probably won't eat dinner either. 

Well....

It's been one of those days. I have done a lot of internal reflection today, lots of thinking and I am pissed off at myself for letting my slavehood slip so far away from me recently. I need to figure out how to get it back without bothering Master. That's the tough part I guess. 

Plus I didn't finish everything Master told me to do today, most of it but not all. Master didn't say anything but I didn't expect Him to after what I realized in my first entry today. 

And I am fighting off a shut down. Living with and dealing with the autism I have learned how to tell one is coming, and it is coming. I just need to figure out how to deal with it and get through it on my own without bothering anyone. 

Oh, did I also mention I'm dropping? It's a drop that's out of character for me in how it is trying to manifest itself so I'm trying to fight the need to cling with the independence that I exhibit during most drops. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.

Maybe the 2 hours of sleep I got last night is making things worse. Bed time has been screwy since the accident, too, so I'm not sleeping well.  

I know it's all silly and not worth bothering anyone over, so I will figure it out and get through it. 

It's what I do.