Strength

I pride myself on my strength. As a slave, strength can be a good thing. But I think my strength is failing me right now. 

I knew the next 24 hours would be hard, but I don't think I was ready for it. Master has been home for so long, and before that I was on the road with Him. 

But, now, everything has been cleared. His company and the doctor have both said He is ok to go back to work. So I'm standing here, getting His stuff packed, trying to be strong. But how can I? How can I not give in to the self pity and self doubt? Where do I draw the line between showing enough emotion for Him to know I care and its effecting me and too much emotion where He feels guilty? 

I am trying to pack His stuff and not get things too wet with the tears that are flowing. Can I be strong and stop the waterworks before Master gets home? 

I have to be strong for our son, I have to be strong for Master. When I am alone I can fall apart. When I go to bed alone for the first time in months knowing Master won't be joining me, I can fall apart. 

For now, though, I have to be a big girl and do what needs to be done, despite how I feel, I can't get so upset I make myself sick. I have to swallow the tears and get things ready. 

Is this how I wanted to spend my anniversary? No, but its part of being an adult. It sucks, but its life. 

I will get through this, I need to get through this, I need to be strong, and I need to carry on.