Part of the reason I don't use it is because using a safe word in public when Master is the one conducting the scene is, in my opinion as a slave, topping from the bottom and telling Master He doesn't know what He is doing or what is good for His girl.
The other big reason is the reason I have been feeling like a bit of a fraud. You see, I have a rare condition effects my ability to feel and process pain. When I feel the caress of a whip, even a whip others call "stingy" like the horse hair whip or the single tail, all I feel is a "thud" from the tool. So, in many ways, all whips are thuddy whips to me.
I don't know what pain, real and true pain, feels like, so I can't tell when I have had enough or what is too much for me. I have no concept of my back being torn to shreds by a razor whip. I have no concept of muscle fatigue or cramps if in a bondage position for too long.
Being with the right Master is imperative for me. One who can tell when I have had enough, one who knows when I have been in a position for too long, one who knows how to prevent long term damage.
This condition is why I don't need after care that treats the area where I was whipped, flogged, or otherwise sessioned. It's why I don't administer after care to others. I come up with excuses to avoid that. "I didn't do it to the person so after care isn't my responsibility" is my favorite. I also avoid sessioning people for the same reasons. To me, every whip is a thud, so I have no clue how a whip might really feel, so I can't throw it accurately.
I have made adjustments, made excuses, and gone about daily life. Most people do not know I have CIP. But, I am not a pain slut. You can't be a slut for something you can't feel or don't know what it is.
So, I guess it is time to abdicate the title of extreme pain slut.
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