Nightmares....

My head hits the pillow, my eyes close and I am quickly asleep, and back there. Back in the cold room, with him. I can taste the hatred in the air, mine for him and his for me. There is blood running down my chin and neck, and more coating my throat on the inside. My nose has been busted, not the first time there.
In the background, I hear a NOFX CD, but it is barely audible, his voice covering the sound. With each swing of his hockey stick, I sink lower and lower into the black haze. My eye is swollen shut and I feel a rib cracking. The pain is almost too much and I can barely breath from the broken ribs, it feels like 4 total.
The old thoughts rage in my mind again. How can this be the person I loved at one point? For, I did believe I loved his at one time. How can this person consider himself a man if he does this to a woman?
He doesn't touch my legs. The only saving grace. He knows if he did, there would have to be a police report and documents filed. Harming them would be too much hassle, even with the insurance on them.
I taste the tears as they run down my face. They sting my swollen eye. Why are the neighbors not calling the cops? Do they not hear him yelling? Or does it only seem like he is yelling to me in the pain induced daze?
The hate and vitriol spilling from his mouth continues. I feel the tights I am still wearing from work rip as he stands over my beaten and battered body. He stands over me, the now broken hockey stick still in his hand. Clear as day, through the pain and the tears, through the haze and the buzzing in the air, I can hear him say, "A contract? You refused me for a contract? Who are you kidding? Well, if you choose a contract over me and I can't fuck you, then no one else ever will, either."
He shoves the hockey stick into me, intent on scaring me to the point that I will never be able to have sex again. All because I refused him. I scream and feel the blood flowing out of me. My self preservation instinct takes over. I must stop this somehow before he does what he has threatened.
This threat is new, he has never said it before. Shame washes over me as I give in and tell him he can take what he wants, I have learned my lesson. I am his and always will be. He has broken my spirit as well as my body. At this point I am willing to say anything to stop the destruction of my body. With a final oath, he gets off me but the beating continues.
I sit up in bed, ram rod straight, and reach for the constant reminder of the Cowboy who rescued me from the madness. The nightmare is over, for now, forever maybe. That night was real, all those years ago. I wound up with a black eye, broken nose, five broken ribs, and 97 stitches between the busted lip and the assault with the hockey stick. I told the doctor I sliced myself up when I was shaving in the shower and slipped. I don't know if she believed me, but the story was proof I would not press charges.
Thankfully, he did not succeed with his threat. I healed up nicely. There have been some recent developments with him, which triggered the nightmares. The cold sweats, the feeling of being unable to catch my breath, the panic for that split second when I don't realize it is a dream, the hyperventilation at the idea of going to sleep and being back there, living through it once was more then enough for me. To top it all off, I dream in vivid technicolor.
I am afraid to go back to sleep for the first time in years. He can't hurt me now. And, if he did, Master would hunt him down and I don't think I would be able to stop Him, hell, I was barely able to stop Him when he showed up one day when he was still stalking me. I just want the nightmares to end. I haven't had one in a long long time and thought they were finally over.....