My dream is to have my day completely planned out for me, instructions for everything, goals for every task. Everything from specific tasks for cleaning the living room to what I must do in the shower, even something that might throw a monkey wrench into things, inserting Ben Wa Balls until after I get home from food shopping, for example.
Then I wonder why I am like this. Part of it might be the autism, and part might be my slave nature. Who really knows. Am I like this because of my past? Or in spite of my past? Why? What caused me to be like this and why do I feel fulfilled when I have specific tasks I must accomplish? Why do I accomplish the tasks knowing there will be no physical repercussions if I do not finish them, knowing only Master's disappointment will meet me if I am not done?
Just other things rolling around in my mind today.
O-o Your blog eats my comments!
ReplyDeleteBut as I was saying! I think it's a little bit of everything. From what I read, structure helps with the autism bit (correct me if I'm wrong!). And it definitely is part of your slave side, I feel. I remember when I was under His collar that the fear of disappointing Him was much more... scary, I guess is the word (I wish there was a better word, to say I was scared of Him gives the wrong impression) than the fear of punishment from Him.