Perfection...

You ever hear that expression you are your own worst enemy? That is true of me. In my former career, I was my own worst critic, always trying to attain that next level of absolute perfection, the picture of the prima ballerina in the stiff tutu with nary a heair out of place, lines perfectly formed. If I did not achieve that in EVERY pose, picture, or after every number, I would spend hours in the studio rehersing. Chasing that perfection did more harm then good. I created this image of myself that was impossible to maintain. I cracked under the pressure.
I find myself doing it again, now, in my relationships. There is nothign wrong with striving to be the best you can be, but there comes a point when the ideal of perfection is too much, and is not humanly possible.
I compare myself to others. I hold it against them and myself if I am not as good as they are at different things. If I feel I am not reaching my full potential, I beat myself up mentally.
I look up to others within the lifestyle who have more experience, trying to learn from them. But, alone the way, that effort to learn becomes an obsession to be better. Could it be the living legend title I was given way back when? Possibly. I could be taking it to heart again, as much as I do not want to.
I take what I think is the best parts of the submission of every sub I meet and try to improve on it, adding that trait to my personal submission style. Why do I do this? It is that deep seeded need to attain perfection. I cracked last time I tried this, so why do I keep doing it?
This is one thing I hope to learn from my sister. How to roll with the punches and to take things as they come without trying for instant perfection.
I am no longer that prima ballerina in the too stiff tutu and picture perfect hair. I am but a human, and will make mistakes. Sometimes, I just need to remind myself of that and not get down when perfection is not reached.