vulnerabilities

We all have them, yet not all of us admit to them or are even aware of them until the time comes when they are exposed. Right now, with Master having just left, I am at my most vulnerable emotionally. The first day or two are always the hardest.
It will really hit me when I go to bed alone tonight. I usually don't let it show, but I do get emotional around the times when He has to leave. I am not afraid to admit it, and some may be surprised to know that I have this side of me.
I try to play the part, and carry it off well, of someone who is not effected by things on an emotional level. I can witness an interrogation, watch a whipping, see someone get nasty welts and bruises, receive the same welts and bruises, and not be emotionally effected. I have been known in the past as the stone submissive. When taking part in lifestyle activities, my emotions were hidden behind a facade, a false bravado.
In truth, though, I have my moments of weakness. It is a big deal when a submissive cries from activities, that is a physical pain that, at times, can bring tears and sobs, but there is also the emotional aspect of submission.
I have been emotionally broken, mentally broken. I am truly Master's in every sense of being owned. Without His love and support, I can not function. He knows that withholding that love and emotion from me is the most severe punishment He can give and He has only had to use it once. When He is not here every day, it takes me a few days to get used to it.
When He is not here to cuddle at night, it takes me a day or two to be ok with it. The one time I forced Him to withhold His emotions, He also withheld His touch. With Him being gone so much, I have come to treasure that special time in bed, when we can cuddle and just hold each other. He does not see Him wanting that as a weakness in His Domination, as some would, but as a strength, to know when His slave needs or wants it. That is one of the hardest parts of Him being gone. Not having Him beside me in bed.
So, yes, even though most people in my role would not admit it, I am vulnerable right now, more so then I have been in a while. People who know me in the lifestyle would be surprised to know this, and to hear or see it, but, yes, I will probably cry tonight.
Vulnerabilities are ok, they are not something to be exploited, not something to be lorded over a person, but something to be understood. I have learned they are not something to hide, or to flaunt. Being vulnerable and having a weakness or two does not make me a bad submissive, it does not diminish the devotion and loyalty I have to Master, instead, it, in fact, enriches it in many ways.