What to do...

There was a discussion on a forum yesterday that got me thinking. The poster had recently lost her Dominant when he was killed in a fatal car accident. The suddenness of his death left her unprepared to deal with many things that would have to do with his passing. The post on the forum, though, was more along the lines of what to do with anything that relates tot he lifestyle, after everything else is taken care of. She was wondering who should remove her collar, when, if it was a betrayal to her Dom to remove it and move on, if he would want her to move on, what to do with things like his MDS account (she did not have the password), or "kinky email" accounts, books, pictures, journals, toys, videos, letters, and other things of that nature. Things that she alone would need to deal with. A lot of advice was given to her, some of it good, some of it trying to be compassionate, some trying to "one size fits all" the situation. When, in truth, this is a very personal situation and a very delicate thing to try to dispense advice about.

This got me thinking, though. Master's job can be quite dangerous. He is, most days, at the mercy of other drivers who may not know how to drive around a vehicle like His. What would I do if, years from now, I were to loose Him for some reason? No one wants to think about this kind of thing, but I was. Thanks MDS.

Some of the suggestions that were made on the forum made a lot of sense. In the event that I am the first of us to pass, there is an envelope in our safe at home that is marked that it is only to be opened upon my death if I precede Master. There are a few things in the envelope. The first is a list of internet accounts, blogs, profiles, websites, forums, etc... where I have an account He would need to close out if I were to pass before Him. There is also a list of different lifestyle things (toys, books, dvds, writings, etc) and what I would like Master to do with them. I have also included a love letter of sorts to Master, which I hope will be able to help Him move on and gain some closure if I were to pass before Him. I also included a private letter to my bff asking her to be there for my Master and for she and her Husband to support Master however He may need, also asking her to be sure Master's collar is somewhere on my body when I am burried. This I plan to update every year.

I would face some of those same dilemas the submissive who wrote the original post did. Especially if Master's death comes many many many years from now (which I hope and pray is the case, since I do not plan on burrying Master any time soon, not until we have a few grandkids, lol). But simple things like what to do with any lifestyle implements He may gather by then or if I should close His internet accounts, who, if anyone, would remove His collar from me if and when I was ever ready to move on. I know there are several people Master would not want to do this, and I can think of one or two He would be okay with doing this. Would it be a betrayal to Him if I removed my wedding band? If we progress further in the lifestyle and continue with it, would it be more of a betrayal to remove the wedding band or His collar?

In many ways I am lucky. Master does not give me directions in my day to day running of the house (i.e. how to wear my hair, what to eat, how to dress, etc...) I do know what He prefers, but He does not say it has to be so (who knows, in the future He may, lol), so I would not be as lost as others would be.

On the flip side, though, what would Master feel if I were to go before Him? I have heard of Dominants who, upon the passing of their submissive, finally understood how much their submissives do for them. One related a story that he did not even realize his sub had made coffee for him every morning until he attempted to make it himself the morning of her funeral and did not know how many scoops to put into the coffee pot.

I know that because of our current situation, Master and I can not depend on one another for the day to day things such as making Him dinner every night or a bed time snuggle, but that will not always be the case.