Perfection....

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
~`~Perfect, Alanis Moriset, Jagged Little Pill~`~

You think I don't know the way you look at me from your self proclaimed glass house? You think I don't see the way you look at me, hear your whispers. You think it bothers me when you ignore my friendly wave, or the way you turn away from me, snubbing me when we pass each other in the yard, the way you refuse to acknowledge that I exist? You think it hurts me, that if you do it enough I will change, that I will become more like you? That if you teach your children that I am evil because I choose to stay home with my child instead of INTENTIONALLY choosing to work a shift that will have me gone at night and sleeping when he is home from school? Or because I am involved and won't just sit back and accept the status quo?
Guess what? You don't hurt me with your words or your actions. In fact, I think it i flattering that you take time out of your perfect life to try to force me to be like you. I think it is sad that you are so focused on others that you are not enjoying your kids. If a kid acted the way you do, they would be called a bully. That is what you are, a bully!
I am done trying to achieve the impossible ideal of perfection. I am done trying to live up to what everyone else wants me to be. It really is impossible. I am sorry, but I will not change for you.
Isn't it tiring trying to maintain this perfect persona? Isn't it irritating knowing you will never be good enough to live up to this perfect ideal you have projected for yourself? It must not be comfortable looking down your nose at everyone who doesn't fit into your perfect little world.
You look down on me, you talk about me, you spread rumors, you report my every move to people, all because, for some reason, you don't like me, when I have done nothing to you. I am sitting here, laughing at how petty you are, laughing at how much you just need to be strapped to a fucking St Andrew's and reminded how a woman should feel, how she can come alive. Someone needs to whip that stick out of your ass, quite frankly.
Oh, and while you are sitting there in your perfect little world, thinking I am nothing because my life doesn't live up to yours, remember, my life did not start when I moved here. I have survived stuff of nightmares, I have lived through horrors that would make you blanch with fear. I have tried to live up to the perfection expected of me, and I cracked and crumbled, and I am done trying to achieve others' ideals of perfection.
I know the world is larger than the few states I have lived in, and I have traveled the world.
You are nothing to me, you mean nothing. I am simply scared that you will instill these ideas in your children, turning them into bullies as well. Say about me what you want, what you will, but if you EVER say ANYTHING about my child, if you EVER bring him into your personal vendetta against me, you will see the girl who survived what I have survived with the NYC chip on my shoulder, I promise you that.... So don't even think about it, lady!