Honesty Time

You want honesty? Well, here goes. Despite what you may think, I still love you. I don't know that I will stop, no matter how much your words and your neglect may have hurt me. No matter how much neither of us admits that we are made for each other, no matter how much that scares the living shit out of me.
It still hurts. When I reach out at night where your picture used to be and find only air. When I reach to text you and realize that you don't want to hear what I have to say. When I see something that reminds me of you and i want to snap a pic to send you and I realize I can't do that anymore.
I still miss you when I wake up from a sweet dream of you and reach for my bracelet and realize I took it off. When I go to email you or text you and realize the communication would be met with silence.
It still kills me when I feel guilt over something because it isn't with you. When I break down because I realize that, with an email, you rejected what I have to offer. You didn't find me good enough.
With what you said, you basically admitted that we were not worth fighting for, and that ripped my heart out, that killed me. Your words, though not entirely unexpected, still knocked me on my ass.
I still love you. Goddess help me, I do. I still miss you. It still runs through my mind what could I have done differently. Was I too needy of your time? Did I expect too much? Did I put too much pressure on you? Did I lay too much on you? Give too much? Not give enough?
Goddess help me, I still want you, I still think of you as mine, I still think of us.