Yelling....

This was a punishment essay from while I was off line.... It is from three weeks ago....

I did something wrong last night. I was tired and cranky and yelled at Master. I know I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t show any self restraint or self control. That is something I need to work on. At times, I find myself loosing the self control I should maintain. Master has tried to help me with this self control in the past, but I still slip at times. In order to help me think about why it is not a good idea to yell at Master, He has asked me to write an essay explaining why I should not yell at Master.
It was not right of me to yell at Him for something He had no control over and something He liked as little as I did. It was not His fault, He did not ask to work a 19 hour shift, after all.
Yelling at Him in the manner I did was disrespectful and uncalled for. Instead of showing Master I was concerned for His safety and mental health, I contributed to the problem by raising my voice in the car. I can give any number of excuses and reasons for yelling at Him, but none are good. I should know better. Not yelling at Master is something that a submissive learns right away and something that should never even enter a slave’s mind. It is Slave 101.
Master works hard to support our family. He should not have to come home to His slave yelling at Him, especially after working for 19 hours. By yelling at Master, I contributed to His bad day instead of trying to make it better. He should have been looking forward to coming home to be coddled by His wife; instead, He was greeted by a raised voice.
Yelling at Master is not the way to tell Him I love Him. It is not the way to show Him I respect Him. It is not the way to show Him I appreciate His hard work. It is not the way to show Him I am honored that He has accepted the gift of my submission.
By yelling at Him, I undermined His position and His role. In many ways, by yelling at Master, I insulted Him. My actions spoke louder then my words in the disrespect they showed.
Yelling at Master is disrespectful. It does not show Master that I am here to make Him happy. It does not show Master I am here to make His day better. It does not show Master I have considered His feelings above my own. It does not show Master He can come to me to vent and discuss His day.
If I get angry at every little turn of events and every time something does not go the way we thought it should, I am not showing Master that I understand. I am not showing Master that I can adapt to changing circumstances. By showing this attitude, I am not showing Master that He can come home and find an understanding and caring woman who is on His side. I am not showing Master that He can turn to me when it seems everything else is against Him.
By showing Master this attitude, this lack of self control, who am I to expect that Master will be there for me when I need Him? How can I show Master that I am here for Him through everything, whenever He needs me, if I do nothing but yell at Him when He gets home after driving for 19 hours?
If I yell at Master as soon as He gets into the car to come home, how can He share with me how His day was? He is not going to want to tell me what happened during His work day if I yell at Him, adding to His mood, as soon as I see Him. By yelling at Him like I did, I have caused Master to not feel comfortable enough to de-stress. He was working in an unfamiliar city yesterday and by yelling like I did, I added to a mood that could not have been good to start with.
Yelling at Master shows less respect for Him and His role and position of provider then anything else I could have done or said. Instead of yelling at Him for something He could not help, I need to find other ways of letting go of that anger.
Instead of yelling, I should have given Him an open and understanding ear, listening to Him as He told of His day and de-stressed. I should have been able to offer suggestions as to how to deal with the current situation, instead of letting the unjustified anger consume my actions. I had no reason to be angry at all.
By yelling at Master, I have betrayed my original training. I have taken a step backwards in taking that training and altering it to suit serving Master. No Dominant wants to be yelled at by His slave when He gets home after a long day. Master does not deserve that disrespect. It is something I need to continue to work on on my own. This is something only I can solve for myself. I should not need to be punished for yelling at Master, it is something I should know not to do.
I need to get control of the impulse to yell. I have to try harder, and try until it becomes second nature to not raise my voice at all.