Another one....

It seems like I do an entry like this more often than I really should. 

With Master being injured, He has been home every day, which, honestly, is a nice change. But, Him being home is making a lot of my complacency much more noticeable. 

It used to be I had time to do things I was asked to do, and, for the most part, Master didn't ask much as far as day to day, because He trusted me to run things here and He isn't a micromanager. 

If I am being honest here, and this blog is where I am supposed to be honest, right? I am having a difficult time focusing on the tasks He gives me and getting it all done. 

I have bursts where it's done, but they are short lived. I resent that I don't finish and that I find any excuse not to do it. 

What is worse is that I think, at times, that Master has given up. I am thrilled when I get a text from Him in the morning telling me what to do that day. It literally makes my heart jump. But I get lazy and don't always try my hardest because I know I have gotten Master to the point that He sees no point in punishing if its not done. 

This was supposed to be an entry about how and why I let Him down today, by not charging His tablet like He told me to and not giving Him the right charger to bring to work, but it has turned into more of an "I let Him down in so many more ways" post. 

It would be easy to say its Master's fault because I know the only consequence will be a blog entry He won't even enforce the writing of. But, it's not His fault. It's my fault. My complacency has caused Him to not really see a point. 

Yes, I know He isn't the type to be physically brutal, but there are other punishments that could be employed if I showed Him there was a point to them, if I did what I was supposed to do, if I confessed my errors and incorrect behaviors, and if I did not allow my complacency to get in the way and turn to comfort and laziness. 

Am I saying I expect a spanking every time I misbehave? No. Am I saying I expect to be told to use the Ben wa balls every time I behave? No. But, maybe, just maybe, if I stop letting Master down and actually do as I am supposed to, maybe I can show Him it is worth the effort. 

I am sorry, Master. Sorry I let You down, sorry I have neglected so many things, sorry it seems like I don't care, sorry I have allowed my complacency to take hold, sorry if I took advantage of Your nature. 

I will do better. I can do better. I MUST do better.