Sub Drop

Sub drop is different for every sub, and, in some ways, different every time one experiences it. I have, in the past, always suppressed a drop, not wanting to show the perceived weakness. I ran from the feelings, feeling I needed to suppress them to get through the day. In many ways, I am learning how to drop all over again. I have had to learn how to embrace it, harness it, and use it to serve better. Since I started to accept the drops, instead of fighting them, I feel as if Master and i have become closer, more bonded.
The feeling of a drop, to me, is a feeling of intense loneliness, of emptiness. Some have described it as a feeling of wanting nothing more than curling up in a shirt pocket to be close to Master's beating heart, or wanting to stay perched on His shoulder. For me, it is much different. Simply being on His shoulder or in His pocket is not enough. Like most other things related to my slavehood, I feel things more intensely. To me, it is a feeling of needing to climb into Master's skin, to literally be a part of His body.
It is a feeling of intense depression and sadness when I can not be near Master during a drop. My dedication to Him is deeper during a drop. It is during a drop that I have written some of my best paper journal entries, and, in fact, some of my best blog entries, including this one. There are times, during a drop, whe I can't bring myself to get out of bed, during a drop, I tend to go to bed early, take bubble baths, and wear Master's shirt to bed. I crave more of His attention, almost as if I can't get enough, I sit on the phone with Him and just listen, sometimes not really hearing what He says, just listening to His voice, and it helps. I feel the need for Him to put me to bed when it is time. I can't get enough of those little moments. There are times when I just need a simple thing like a comforting, sweet text, or when I feel I just need to tell Him how I feel.
This is a time I have taken recently to increase the bond with Master, to become closer to Him. It is almost as if, by being stubborn and fighting drops in the past, I have robbed Master of the years of bonding in this special time between a Master and slave. It is a time to explore feelings deeper, to form those fundamental bonds slavehood is based on, and the Mastery of the slave as well. Those years of bonding are something Master can never get back. I only hope Master can forgive His slave for the foolish actions.
Some drops are deeper than others. But, Master always knows when I am dropping, and what I need. Even something as simple as being invited into a certain place in our game we play together to be with Him helps.